32 Weeks

Happy 4th of July to all my U.S. readers out there.  Hope everyone had a fun-filled and safe holiday.

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with these little guys.  Once again, this feels like a big milestone for me.  The chances of babies being born healthy and strong increase with each passing week.  It's hard to believe that there are only 2-6 more weeks to go!

I don't really have too much to add from my last post.  I am definitely feeling like I'm ready to be done with the pregnancy.  I feel like I did at probably 36 weeks or so with a singleton - tired, big, grumpy, and achy.  I still wouldn't say I'm totally miserable yet, give me a couple more weeks. :)  I have gained about 30 pounds so far, which is less than I gained at this point with my own daughter.  Also, even though I'm experiencing some swelling, I'm still able to fit into my wedding ring at this point (I had already had to give it up by 32 weeks last pregnancy).  I think the relatively mild St. Louis summer is helping with that.

I had another chiropractor appointment today, which will be my last before my ultrasound next Thursday.  So one more shot for the chiro to get that baby turned.  I'm actually not sure where the babies are positioned at this point.  I'm pretty sure Baby A is no longer transverse and is now up and down along the right side of my body.  Whether he's head up or head down, I can't tell.  If I had to guess, I would guess he's still breech.  I think Baby B is now hanging out head down on the left side of my body, but I'm not sure about that either.

During the last week I have been having a lot of anxiety about the birth, mainly worrying about a c-section.  The logical part of me knows that a c-section isn't really that big of a deal - women have them every day and are perfectly fine.  It's not even so much the surgery itself that scares me.  My main worry is that if I have to have a c-section, unless I make it to a scheduled date at 37-38 weeks, my IPs (who have a 5 hour drive) will almost certainly miss the birth.  I asked at the last appointment, and the doctor confirmed, that if I go into labor on my own they will not wait around for my IPs to get there, they will take the babies out immediately to avoid the risk of a breech baby getting too far down in the birth canal.

Even before I was matched, one of the things I really wanted to experience out of this journey was to be able to see my IPs meet their child/ren for the first time.  I wanted to soak up the moment of joy and awe and watch a family be created right as it happened.  Yes, I realize that I am being compensated monetarily for this journey, and I realize that I will have plenty of time to visit with my IPs and their sons later on during the hospital stay, but for the 18 months of my life that I have been working on this surrogacy, that first moment was my ideal reward.

If I have a c-section, I will miss that completely.  Even if my IPs are there, they will not be in the OR with me, and the staff will take their babies out to meet them while they finish putting me back together.  And if they don't make it in time for the birth, I'm sure they will stop in to check on their babies before coming to visit me.

I think I'm just overly hormonal in general right now, but I have really struggled with this fear and anxiety this week.  I have been losing sleep over it, randomly breaking into tears (and those who know me in person know that I am not a crier), and obsessing over every little movement to try and figure out if it's being caused by a hand, foot, butt, or head.  I think the main problem is that I just don't know.  I'm hoping that after the ultrasound next Thursday, even if the results aren't what I want, having a sense of certainty will help me accept what's going to happen.

Until then, I'm really trying to focus on the positives of this pregnancy.  I have made it to 32 weeks without any complications or bed rest (and none in sight), and aside from general last month aches and pains, I really feel pretty good.  Although my first contraction as at 23 weeks, since then they have been few and far between, and I don't get the feeling that I will be going into labor anytime soon.  So here's to at least a few more weeks of baby-growing!

Lots of Updates

It seems I've fallen behind on updating what's been happening to me lately.  When I left off, I had just had my 28 week ultrasound and found out that Baby A is still breech.

Since then, I've started seeing a chiropractor.  I have been to see her 3 times so far.  I love her.  I think I'm addicted to seeing her.  Seriously, is there such a thing as a live-in chiropractor?  She is optimistic that she can turn Baby A, and thinks I have plenty of time.  She has been correcting the problems with my hips, which has helped with my pain.  She has also been performing the Webster technique, which is basically just stretching/massaging the muscles and ligaments in my lower abdomen and pelvis.  The idea is that if they are properly aligned and relaxed, there is more room for Baby A to flip if he so chooses.  Since seeing her, I will say the babies' movement has increased a LOT.  I'm not exactly sure where they are at this point, because I don't feel a lot of actual kicks, more like a lot of rolling movements that make it hard for me to determine who is where and doing what.

In addition to stretching and adjusting me at appointments, she gave me a couple exercises to do at home to help open up my pelvis.  She also told me to keep doing the things on the spinningbabies website every day if possible.

Yesterday, my IPs came down for the 30 week OB appointment and hospital tour.  It was great to see them, as they hadn't been able to make it to St. Louis the last couple of appointments.  They are getting very excited about the impending arrival of their sons.  We did not have an ultrasound, just a meeting with the doctor.  Overall it went fine.  My weight gain and blood pressure are good, and doctor had no concerns about my health.  I asked him about the prospect of bed rest (since my manager was asking if I knew when I'd be going out).  He told me that I'm doing great, and as long as nothing with my health changes, he sees no reason why I can't work right up until the babies decide to come.  This makes me happy, since if I have to go out before the babies come I will have to use my short term disability (my time off after delivery comes out of a separate "Parental Leave" bank).  Plus, the less I need to be out of work, the better.

We also asked about a possible induction and when the doctor thought the babies would come.  He said that I am doing really well, so he doesn't think I will be going into labor soon (although you never know!).  But he said that if I go into labor anytime 34 weeks or later, they do not stop labor.  He also said we could pick a induction or c-section date for later on in the pregnancy.  He said normally he would not be willing to set a date before 38 weeks, since we have special circumstances with my IPs needing to drive 5 hours to get here, he is fine with us scheduling anytime after 37 weeks.  He also mentioned that the majority of women don't make it to 37 weeks with twins, so the chances of me going into labor spontaneously are high.  This idea really stressed out my IM, who was apparently under the impression that we would pick a day to have the babies and they would be born that day.  She asked if we could just go ahead and schedule an induction for 34 weeks so they could be there, and he told her that they would absolutely not do it before 37 weeks (full term).

We will be returning in another 2 weeks for THE ultrasound.  The one that determines our birth plan - whether we are going to attempt a vaginal delivery or do a c-section.  So I have two weeks to make sure I get Baby A head down and ready to go.  There is still a chance that he could flip head down after that and we could revise our plan, but I don't think that my IPs or doctor would be very open to changing their minds after that point. 

It also sounds like my pro-vaginal delivery doctor is not particularly pro-vaginal after all, when it comes down to it.  He said that we will talk more in detail after the ultrasound to talk about our birth plan, but he started listing off all sorts of reasons that I might have to have a c-section for Baby B even if I deliver Baby A vaginally.  He also said that because Baby B was bigger than Baby A, he would lean toward doing a c-section because a vaginal delivery is more risky if the second baby is bigger.  I was so flabbergasted about the c-section propaganda as a whole that I forgot to even ask why (maybe because the birth canal wouldn't be big enough?)  I know my IPs will want me to do whatever the doctor recommends, so I am trying to arm myself with research and prepare to go in fighting for my right to attempt a vaginal delivery.  Right now I'm thinking that as long as Baby A is head down and there is no risk to delivering him vaginally, that's what I will do.  If it becomes necessary to have a section for Baby B, I will cross that bridge when I get there.  I figure no matter how much my doctor and IPs try to push me, no one can force me to have a c-section against my will, and I deserve the right to at least try to avoid a major abdominal surgery because of things that could possibly go wrong once Baby A is out.  Of course, Baby A might never get into head down position at all, and we might not even have to worry about it.

As far as how I'm feeling in general, I think I am doing OK.  I definitely would not say I'm feeling good anymore, but I'm not miserable either.  My hands and feet have started to swell a bit, particularly if I spend any amount of time outside in the summer heat.  I have gained about 30 pounds so far, which I'm happy with.  Everyone keeps telling me how tiny I am for carrying twins, and although my belly really doesn't look that huge, the fact that I have baby parts in my ribs all the time makes it very difficult to bend over and pick up after my toddler or put on shoes.  The chiropractor has helped a lot with my hip pain, which is a huge relief.  Nevertheless, at this point I'm getting to be more generally achy and short tempered.  I've gotten angry at my poor husband a few times, mainly because he can't seem to read my mind and know what I want him to be doing.

Oh well, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I can't believe I am 31 weeks tomorrow!  Just 3-7 weeks more to go. 

C-Section Worries

At my last appointment, I was disappointed but not surprised to find out that Baby A was still breech.  After all, I had been experiencing continued direct kicks to my cervix, so I knew his feet had to be down there.  However, I was only at 28 weeks along and I told myself there was still some time for him to turn back to being head down.

Then the more I thought about it, the more the fear started to creep in.

While I am measuring a couple weeks ahead, I am currently measuring about 6 weeks behind what I measured with my daughter when she was at the same weight.  Sure, I'm glad that I'm not measuring 8 weeks ahead, that would be very uncomfortable.  But it also means there is a lot less space in there for these two little guys to move than my daughter had.

Then there are their positions.  Not only is Baby B bigger, but he's taking up about 75% of the space in there, and Baby A is squashed up along my right side.  What if he wants to flip but literally cannot because his brother has him penned in the wrong direction?

I am putting a lot of hope in seeing the chiropractor.  I have my first appointment tomorrow morning, which I scheduled for after I take my glucose tolerance test.  After doing a lot of research online, and after talking to the chiropractor I will be seeing, I have learned that proper alignment is key to making sure the baby has enough space to turn, if it desires to do so.  The chiropractor I'm seeing specializes in pregnant women and children, and is certified in something called the Webster Technique.  Rather than being an invasive attempt to manually turn the babies (which is rarely recommended, especially in the case of twins), it is a method where the chiropractor makes sure your back, stomach, hips, and pelvis are properly aligned so that if the baby chooses to move, it has more room to do so.  This method is highly effective in singleton pregnancies.  It has been known to work for twins too, but from what I can tell it is not quite as much of a guarantee.  I'm really looking forward to my appointment tomorrow to see what the chiro can do for my situation.

Also, I have been doing a lot of exercises at home that I found on the Spinningbabies website (this is a website dedicated to helping people get their babies into optimal birthing position, both during pregnancy and labor).  These exercises are actually more like stretching while staying as relaxed as possible.  A couple of them require a helper to do most of the work.  After looking over the website, I said to my  husband: "I need you to jiggle my belly while I relax."  His first response was, "There will be no belly jiggling."  To which I replied, "Would you rather I have a c-section?"  Needless to say, he has helped me with all of the exercises I have asked him to, without a single complaint.  I have been doing them for almost a week now, and I can tell that they are causing the babies to move around a little more than they were before.  So hopefully that means that they have a little more space in there.  Unfortunately, most of the increased movement is coming from Baby B.  If that little stinker is laying claim to even MORE of the room and keeping his brother squashed up in there, he is going on my naughty list.

I also worry about how much time I have left for Baby A to turn.  If he were a singleton, I would be able to be fairly confident that he would be making it to at least 37 weeks.  With twins, there is no guarantee.  There are just so many more things that can go wrong that lead to an early delivery.  Plus sometimes they just need out earlier because there is simply no space left for them.  This past weekend was the point that I felt my body start to make it's downturn into the third trimester.  It is getting harder to walk or stand, and with the frequent kicks to the cervix, I am having a lot of discomfort and some contractions.  Just a trip to the grocery store on Saturday forced me to nap so I could function for the rest of the day.  In a way I'm happy to know that the end is nearing, but I just wish I had a crystal ball to know exactly how much time I had to get things in order and to get Baby A into the proper position.

Now, I realize that c-sections aren't the end of the world.  Women have them every day and end up just fine.  In fact, some women even prefer them to vaginal deliveries.  However, I have never had a surgery in my life, and would like to keep my record clean if at all possible.  I don't want to have to deal with the physical recovery that comes from having a c-section.  I don't want to make my husband pull my weight and his for even longer than he is already going to have to do it.  I want to be able to hug, hold, and carry my baby normally again without having to worry about pain or injury.  I want to be able to get back to my life and work as soon as possible after the babies are born.  I don't want to have to worry about waiting a certain amount of time before becoming pregnant again (hopefully with another of my own children), and eventually having to make sure I find a doctor/clinic/hospital that is truly VBAC-friendly.

About 6 months ago, I was posting about how much I did not want to carry twins, and here I am.  And really, aside from some annoying doctors and what I have felt to be some over-monitoring, the pregnancy has gone just fine.  If I end up with a dreaded c-section, it will probably be just fine as well.  But in the meantime, I worry.