Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with these little guys. Once again, this feels like a big milestone for me. The chances of babies being born healthy and strong increase with each passing week. It's hard to believe that there are only 2-6 more weeks to go!
I don't really have too much to add from my last post. I am definitely feeling like I'm ready to be done with the pregnancy. I feel like I did at probably 36 weeks or so with a singleton - tired, big, grumpy, and achy. I still wouldn't say I'm totally miserable yet, give me a couple more weeks. :) I have gained about 30 pounds so far, which is less than I gained at this point with my own daughter. Also, even though I'm experiencing some swelling, I'm still able to fit into my wedding ring at this point (I had already had to give it up by 32 weeks last pregnancy). I think the relatively mild St. Louis summer is helping with that.
I had another chiropractor appointment today, which will be my last before my ultrasound next Thursday. So one more shot for the chiro to get that baby turned. I'm actually not sure where the babies are positioned at this point. I'm pretty sure Baby A is no longer transverse and is now up and down along the right side of my body. Whether he's head up or head down, I can't tell. If I had to guess, I would guess he's still breech. I think Baby B is now hanging out head down on the left side of my body, but I'm not sure about that either.
During the last week I have been having a lot of anxiety about the birth, mainly worrying about a c-section. The logical part of me knows that a c-section isn't really that big of a deal - women have them every day and are perfectly fine. It's not even so much the surgery itself that scares me. My main worry is that if I have to have a c-section, unless I make it to a scheduled date at 37-38 weeks, my IPs (who have a 5 hour drive) will almost certainly miss the birth. I asked at the last appointment, and the doctor confirmed, that if I go into labor on my own they will not wait around for my IPs to get there, they will take the babies out immediately to avoid the risk of a breech baby getting too far down in the birth canal.
Even before I was matched, one of the things I really wanted to experience out of this journey was to be able to see my IPs meet their child/ren for the first time. I wanted to soak up the moment of joy and awe and watch a family be created right as it happened. Yes, I realize that I am being compensated monetarily for this journey, and I realize that I will have plenty of time to visit with my IPs and their sons later on during the hospital stay, but for the 18 months of my life that I have been working on this surrogacy, that first moment was my ideal reward.
If I have a c-section, I will miss that completely. Even if my IPs are there, they will not be in the OR with me, and the staff will take their babies out to meet them while they finish putting me back together. And if they don't make it in time for the birth, I'm sure they will stop in to check on their babies before coming to visit me.
I think I'm just overly hormonal in general right now, but I have really struggled with this fear and anxiety this week. I have been losing sleep over it, randomly breaking into tears (and those who know me in person know that I am not a crier), and obsessing over every little movement to try and figure out if it's being caused by a hand, foot, butt, or head. I think the main problem is that I just don't know. I'm hoping that after the ultrasound next Thursday, even if the results aren't what I want, having a sense of certainty will help me accept what's going to happen.
Until then, I'm really trying to focus on the positives of this pregnancy. I have made it to 32 weeks without any complications or bed rest (and none in sight), and aside from general last month aches and pains, I really feel pretty good. Although my first contraction as at 23 weeks, since then they have been few and far between, and I don't get the feeling that I will be going into labor anytime soon. So here's to at least a few more weeks of baby-growing!
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