It has been 3.5 months since I had the twins, and I feel that my body is now almost back to normal. I still have another pound to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight. Man they weren't lying when they said those last 5 pounds were hard to lose after the second pregnancy. I don't know if it was the fact that it was twins, the fact that I'm now over 30, the fact that I didn't breastfeed this time, or just the fact that it was the second pregnancy, but even though I had a lot less weight to lose this time, it's taken a lot longer to do it. But I've been exercising and doing some ab work, and I am finally starting to get to the point where I'm looking in the mirror and liking what I see again.
I recently realized that after spending so much time the last three years either pregnant or planning to be pregnant, my "skinny" wardrobe has been woefully neglected. Even though I feel like I look good again, a lot of my clothes make me feel out of style, and frumpy, or just plain boring. I have tried looking in some stores for cute stuff, but since I generally hate shopping, these trips are painful for me.
So I was super excited when I discovered Stitch Fix! It is an online personal styling service. You sign up and fill out a "style profile." This is where you tell them what styles of clothes you normally like, and if you are a dummy like me who doesn't even know what your style is called, they also show a bunch of pictures of outfits and ask you if you like that style. You can tell them what kind of clothes you need for your lifestyle (business wear? casual? date night?), how much you want to spend, what colors/patters/materials you want to avoid, which parts of your body you like to flaunt, and which you prefer to hide, etc. Then they send you a box of five items - tops, pants, dresses, accessories, etc. - they think you would like. You can try them on at home. You pay for what you want, and return the rest for free with feedback on what you liked/didn't and why, so the next time they have a better idea of what you would like. I paid $20 for the stylist's time, but that is applied as credit toward whatever I decide to keep once I get my box. For each box, you can tell them if there is anything specific you are looking for in that particular shipment. For example, I said that I was looking for winter clothes that could I could wear in my business casual workplace as well as out for a girls night or date night. I also told them I just bought a pair of boots and am looking for something to help show them off. I should be getting my box in about 6 weeks, and I'm excited to see what they send me! Sound fun? Here is the link if you would like to check it out: http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3295725.
Please note, I do not work for Stitch Fix, nor do I get paid to post this. It's just something I found that I was excited about, and thought other surros (or random readers) might have the same clothes problems and needs as me. However, if you use my link and sign up for a Stitch Fix box of your own, I do get a $25 credit toward my order. So, if you want to sign up, I would love it if you would use my link to do so!
Anyway, I don't really have much going on that is surro-related these days that is actually reportable, although I think I have developed a bit of a pregnancy/surrogacy addiction and I still want to stay active in the community. (Do I browse the classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online? Yes. Do I keep a count down of how much longer until I can get pregnant again? Yes - 8.5 months). So I might stop by from time to time and post something that is mildly surrogacy, or at least pregnancy, related. Hope all my blog friends are doing well!
Showing posts with label Post Baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Post Baby. Show all posts
Friday, November 15, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Looking Back
My surrogate journey ended almost two months ago now, and I feel like I can now go back and take a look at my journey from a "big picture" perspective.
I was terrified when I found out that I was carrying twins. I was afraid of how it would affect my family and my job. What if I was put on bed rest for weeks or months? How would my family get by without me? Would it make my employers upset to have me out for so long? I was also afraid for the babies. The risk of complications is so much higher with twins, and (don't quote me but I read this somewhere) about 50% are born prematurely and spend at least some time in NICU. My IPs had already been through so much, and my job was to carry their babies until they were big and healthy enough to meet them. What if I failed to do that?
But we got lucky. I was able to work up until the day I went into labor, and both babies were born healthy enough to go home with their parents two days later. My c-section went smoothly, and I had no complications. I didn't experience any distress over separating with the babies, and I didn't have any baby blues in the days and weeks following delivery. Within two weeks of delivering, I was feeling back to my old self.
I was terrified when I found out that I was carrying twins. I was afraid of how it would affect my family and my job. What if I was put on bed rest for weeks or months? How would my family get by without me? Would it make my employers upset to have me out for so long? I was also afraid for the babies. The risk of complications is so much higher with twins, and (don't quote me but I read this somewhere) about 50% are born prematurely and spend at least some time in NICU. My IPs had already been through so much, and my job was to carry their babies until they were big and healthy enough to meet them. What if I failed to do that?
But we got lucky. I was able to work up until the day I went into labor, and both babies were born healthy enough to go home with their parents two days later. My c-section went smoothly, and I had no complications. I didn't experience any distress over separating with the babies, and I didn't have any baby blues in the days and weeks following delivery. Within two weeks of delivering, I was feeling back to my old self.
So why is it that when I look back over my surrogacy experience as a whole, I feel kind of, "eh"? At the beginning of my journey I was so excited and eager. I already felt pride in what I was about to do, and I felt like maybe this was the reason I was put on the planet...to help another couple achieve the gift of parenthood that I had come by so easily. Don't get me wrong, I am still proud of what I did, and I still believe that I was meant to help my IPs become parents, but somewhere along the way I sort of lost the magic of the experience.
I think the main problem is that the reality of my journey was nothing like the journey I had visualized in my head when I first started. When I first saw myself going through the experience, I saw myself helping my IPs to experience their pregnancy. I pictured my IPs coming to appointments, then us going out to lunch or dinner afterward with my family. My IM would place her hands on my belly and giggle with excitement as her baby kicked in response. They would be active and interested in what was going on - what I was craving, how much movement I was feeling, when I though the baby might make an appearance.
In reality, the pregnancy went nothing like that. My IPs came to the majority of appointments, but were not interested in spending any time together outside of them. They would drive in and head right back out as soon as they were over. Toward the end of the pregnancy, they stopped coming to most appointments, as they had too many other things going on at home. They never felt their babies kick, and sometimes did not even respond to the weekly emails I sent them to update them on the pregnancy.
The delivery also did not go the way I had planned. I had imagined my husband and my IPs in the delivery room with me as I labored, all of us talking to kill the time. I imagined me pushing with everyone's encouragement, and once the baby was born, I could see it being placed on its mother's chest. I pictured the whole room sharing the shock and joy, the laughing and crying, as my IPs met their son or daughter for the first time.
Instead, I delivered the twins by c-section in an operating room. There were tons of people there, and with the exception of my husband and the anesthesiologist, they all ignored me. The babies entered the world and were placed on no one's chest - they were whisked out of the room without me or my husband, the only people who cared about them, even being allowed a glance at them first. My IPs were not there to meet their babies. They had originally wanted to be at the birth, but once they found out that I would have to have a c-section and the doctor would not wait for them to make their 5 hour drive before performing it, they decided they wouldn't even bother trying. They didn't arrive until hours after their boys were born, and they had to go to the nursery to retrieve their children. At the first meeting there was no laughing or crying, no hugging, or any other extreme outpouring of emotions or joy. We were all more consumed with the logistics of collecting the babies, transporting them to their recovery room, and getting everyone settled in.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining. And maybe I am, a little. But I am not upset. I do not blame my IPs for the way things went. I do not fault them for not fitting in with the perfect scenario I pictured in my head. They were never anything but respectful, caring and kind toward me. They brought me snacks and gifts for my child almost every time I saw them. They are wonderful people who deserved to be parents. But we both went into surrogacy for a purpose - mine was to help a family become parents, and theirs was to become parents. Aside from that, our expectations for the journey to get there probably just didn't line up. While having them turn me down for lunch made me a little sad, I understood that they were busy people who traveled a long way for the appointments. As the pregnancy progressed, they got even busier planning for a baby on top of all their other tasks and commitments. In addition, there was a big age gap, culture gap, and a difference in communications styles. We wouldn't have been friends if we just met on the street, we did not have anything in common. So I was not sad or surprised that our relationship never blossomed into a friendship, and I was not offended that they did not want to spend extra time with me or my family outside of appointments.
I also don't blame them, the hospital staff, or anyone else for my delivery experience. We had breech babies, and a c-section was necessary. That's just the way it was. By the time we all met the babies, I was drugged on morphine, and had gone 34 hours without any sleep. I was mainly just trying not to nod off in my wheelchair. My IPs had just had an agonizingly long drive filled with traffic and construction, and had probably gotten almost as little sleep as I had. They were shocked, stressed, and overwhelmed by the time they finally got a chance to meet their little boys.
I will admit, I'm still a little miffed about the c-section. Logically I know there is no reason to be. I know it was necessary. It went fine and I recovered easily. But something about having a major abdominal surgery for something other than an actual medical problem just rubs me the wrong way, and I think it always will. I also worry about any future deliveries, as I know that from now on, I will be facing an uphill battle to get to deliver vaginally.
Do I wish that things had gone a little differently? Yes. Would I go back in time and make any different choices? No. In the end, I was able to make two deserving people into parents, and bring two humans into this world who would never have had the chance to exist without my help. I don't look back on my experience and feel bitterness, or even disappointment. I guess the best word to describe it would be underwhelmed. It was not a bad journey. In fact, it's probably the most amazing thing I will ever have a chance to do in my whole life. But it wasn't the journey I had idealized in my head. I was the one who painted the perfect, pretty picture of how I wanted it to go, and it's no one's fault but mine that the reality didn't live up to the expectations.
If I decide to do another surrogacy journey (and yes, I am considering it), I think I will do things a little differently. First, I will have a few more requirements about the IPs I'm willing to work with, and I will shoot for someone who is willing to only do single embryo transfers. Most importantly, I will try to temper my expectations so that the beauty of the journey is able to shine through without being clouded by my idealistic expectations.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Long Time No Post!
Hey all, is anyone still out there?
It's been a while since I updated. The twins are 7 weeks old today! The last I heard they were doing well and growing like weeks, but I don't really have much to update on them since I don't hear from their parents very often anymore. I am doing well. I am fully healed from the c-section. My tummy is back to being nice and flat, but it feels weird and soft - I need to start doing some abs work soon! I still have about 6 pounds to lose, but I am able to fit back into my normal clothes...yay!
I thoroughly enjoyed my "maternity" leave, and spent 5 and a half weeks spending extra time with my husband and daughter and doing lots of projects around the house. The icing on the cake was that except for one super hot week at the end of August, the weather was gorgeous! I am now at my second week back to work and starting to get settled in and caught up. It's really nice to be back into the swing of things with my life back to normal. I was worried that after my surrogacy journey was over, I would feel like a part of my life was missing. Surrogacy has consumed my time and energy for the last year and a half, and to know that it was going to end so suddenly was a little scary. Luckily, I haven't had any problems at all adjusting, mainly because I have so much going on. I am the type of person who really likes to have projects and plans, so I made sure that I had a lot waiting on my plate for me as soon as the journey was over. Here is what is next for us:
1) Sell our house - we put our house on the market two weeks ago. The timing worked out perfectly because I was able to use the maternity leave time to really get our house spruced up. My husband took 4 weeks of FMLA time off work to "help" me after my surgery, and together we redid our landscaping (turns out gardening didn't land at the top of my to-do list while pregnant with twins in the summertime), re-grouted our kitchen floor, cleaned out all our closets, cleaned and organized our basement, touched up our pain, and fixed some small maintenance issues here and there. Now we just have to keep our house in pristine condition - not an easy feat with a toddler - until it sells.
2) Go on vacation - we will be taking a vacation to Washington DC in October. It's going to be great. My parents will be watching our daughter back home so my husband and I will get to check out the sights without distractions! We are staying with some friends who moved out there a couple years ago so it will be so nice to see them as well!
3) Move to Denver. Denver is where we are both from, and where all our families live. We do not have jobs lined up out there or a deadline to get out there, but now just seems like the right time for us to go back home. So we aren't desperate to move, and we will wait until we get an offer on our house before making any concrete plans.
4) Get jobs in Denver. This is the part that scares me. I love my job here and the people I work with/for, and the thought of starting over scares me. I refuse to even check out the job market or look at potential opportunities until we get an offer on the house. Not the best career move I know, but we will hopefully have the luxury of me being able to take a few months to get my bearings and apply for jobs that really seem like a good match before we will start getting desperate for the money.
5) Have another baby of our own. Once we get settled into our lives in Denver, it will be time to start thinking about giving our little girl a sibling. I think the timing on this will (hopefully) work out really well, because after my c-section my doctor recommended waiting at least a year (18 months for the best chance at a VBAC) before getting pregnant again. I'm also looking forward to not being pregnant next summer...summer evenings are just so much more enjoyable with a glass or wine or a cocktail!
I'll try to be back soon with an update more related to surrogacy!
It's been a while since I updated. The twins are 7 weeks old today! The last I heard they were doing well and growing like weeks, but I don't really have much to update on them since I don't hear from their parents very often anymore. I am doing well. I am fully healed from the c-section. My tummy is back to being nice and flat, but it feels weird and soft - I need to start doing some abs work soon! I still have about 6 pounds to lose, but I am able to fit back into my normal clothes...yay!
I thoroughly enjoyed my "maternity" leave, and spent 5 and a half weeks spending extra time with my husband and daughter and doing lots of projects around the house. The icing on the cake was that except for one super hot week at the end of August, the weather was gorgeous! I am now at my second week back to work and starting to get settled in and caught up. It's really nice to be back into the swing of things with my life back to normal. I was worried that after my surrogacy journey was over, I would feel like a part of my life was missing. Surrogacy has consumed my time and energy for the last year and a half, and to know that it was going to end so suddenly was a little scary. Luckily, I haven't had any problems at all adjusting, mainly because I have so much going on. I am the type of person who really likes to have projects and plans, so I made sure that I had a lot waiting on my plate for me as soon as the journey was over. Here is what is next for us:
1) Sell our house - we put our house on the market two weeks ago. The timing worked out perfectly because I was able to use the maternity leave time to really get our house spruced up. My husband took 4 weeks of FMLA time off work to "help" me after my surgery, and together we redid our landscaping (turns out gardening didn't land at the top of my to-do list while pregnant with twins in the summertime), re-grouted our kitchen floor, cleaned out all our closets, cleaned and organized our basement, touched up our pain, and fixed some small maintenance issues here and there. Now we just have to keep our house in pristine condition - not an easy feat with a toddler - until it sells.
2) Go on vacation - we will be taking a vacation to Washington DC in October. It's going to be great. My parents will be watching our daughter back home so my husband and I will get to check out the sights without distractions! We are staying with some friends who moved out there a couple years ago so it will be so nice to see them as well!
3) Move to Denver. Denver is where we are both from, and where all our families live. We do not have jobs lined up out there or a deadline to get out there, but now just seems like the right time for us to go back home. So we aren't desperate to move, and we will wait until we get an offer on our house before making any concrete plans.
4) Get jobs in Denver. This is the part that scares me. I love my job here and the people I work with/for, and the thought of starting over scares me. I refuse to even check out the job market or look at potential opportunities until we get an offer on the house. Not the best career move I know, but we will hopefully have the luxury of me being able to take a few months to get my bearings and apply for jobs that really seem like a good match before we will start getting desperate for the money.
5) Have another baby of our own. Once we get settled into our lives in Denver, it will be time to start thinking about giving our little girl a sibling. I think the timing on this will (hopefully) work out really well, because after my c-section my doctor recommended waiting at least a year (18 months for the best chance at a VBAC) before getting pregnant again. I'm also looking forward to not being pregnant next summer...summer evenings are just so much more enjoyable with a glass or wine or a cocktail!
I'll try to be back soon with an update more related to surrogacy!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Update: 1 Week Post Partum
I has been 7 days since I gave birth to L and O! In some ways it seems like it just happened, and in others it seems like it was a long time ago. My IPs assure me that everyone is eating and sleeping, including them. I am happy that they are all adjusting so well.
I have yet to experience the wave of hormone-induced emotions that go along with delivering a baby. I remember with my daughter they started up about a week after delivery and lasted a couple weeks, where I would just be sitting there minding my own business and suddenly start crying over nothing. I wonder if these crazy hormones are hiding just around the corner waiting to spring on me, or if all the extra sleep this time around (one of the perks of surrogacy is maternity leave without the round the clock newborn care) is going to keep them at bay.
I still do not miss the babies or wish I was with them. It overjoys me to hear that they are thriving with their family. Sometimes it feels like it never even happened...it feels more like I'm just recovering from an abdominal surgery and there is no evidence that the babies were ever there. I'm also not sad that the journey is over. I think I might have had a harder time adjusting to the change in my relationship with my IPs if I had been closer to them during the journey. Don't get me wrong they were wonderful people who I adore and they were so deserving of becoming parents, but I don't think we would have become friends if we met under different circumstances. They treated me wonderfully throughout the journey and I have absolutely no complaints about them, but we just never became emotionally close. So now that they have their babies and I am no longer an essential part of their world, I have not had to deal with rejection or even a much lessened level of communication. I have received texts from both of them over the last week, and it warms my heart to know that they are still thinking of me even in their spit-uppy, poopy, sleep deprived states. I did not expect a lot of communication and everything I get seems like a nice bonus to the satisfaction I got from the journey itself.
Physically I am doing well. I have been able to move around a little more easily every day. Yesterday I decided it was time to dump the narcotics and I am surviving just on ibuprofen and acetaminophen now. Today I ran an errand and met a friend for lunch, and while I was hurting by the end of it, I am happy to say I made it through. I'm expecting that in another week I should be able to go about my life normally (while still observing the no lifting, no pool, no sex, etc. instructions of course). I am really enjoying the extra time with my daughter - she is almost two and it's so fun to see her language skills and personality blossom a little more each day.
I gained a total of 42 pounds during the pregnancy, and I have lost 24 so far. Only 18 more to go! The swelling in my feet continued to be terrible for the first several days after surgery, but this morning I looked down and saw my normal ankles! I am also back in my normal wedding ring as of yesterday, which is something that took me weeks to accomplish after my last pregnancy. So I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Other than my scar, my stomach doesn't look too bad, and I only came out of this pregnancy with a couple new stretch marks. My skin does kind of hang there, and I'm looking forward to being cleared to exercise so I can get my tummy back to the way it was before.
My milk decided to try to come in on Sunday night, and Monday night and Tuesday were spent in a lot of pain, with a lot of ice shoved into my sports bra. My IPs decided they did not want me to pump for the babies. I don't blame them, on top of everything else they have going on, the last thing they need to worry about is how to get their babies' food shipped safely to them. I would have pumped for them if they had asked, but honestly I'm a little relieved that I can move on with my life and work on getting my body back to normal. My boobs are still feeling uncomfortable today, but definitely better than yesterday so I'm hoping that in a couple more days they will be back to normal.
Next Thursday I have my 2 week post partum check up with my doctor. If everything looks good, that will be the last time I will have to see him related to this pregnancy. I asked him in the hospital how long he recommends waiting to get pregnant again (yes, I love pregnancy THAT much - almost as much as eating!), and he said that 18 months would be best to avoid complications that might prevent me from having a successful vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC), but in any case I need to wait at least 8-12 months. So for the next year or so, my adventures will have to revolve around something other than pregnancy. I have a lot of plans up my sleeve though, so I'm sure I will be just fine!
I have yet to experience the wave of hormone-induced emotions that go along with delivering a baby. I remember with my daughter they started up about a week after delivery and lasted a couple weeks, where I would just be sitting there minding my own business and suddenly start crying over nothing. I wonder if these crazy hormones are hiding just around the corner waiting to spring on me, or if all the extra sleep this time around (one of the perks of surrogacy is maternity leave without the round the clock newborn care) is going to keep them at bay.
I still do not miss the babies or wish I was with them. It overjoys me to hear that they are thriving with their family. Sometimes it feels like it never even happened...it feels more like I'm just recovering from an abdominal surgery and there is no evidence that the babies were ever there. I'm also not sad that the journey is over. I think I might have had a harder time adjusting to the change in my relationship with my IPs if I had been closer to them during the journey. Don't get me wrong they were wonderful people who I adore and they were so deserving of becoming parents, but I don't think we would have become friends if we met under different circumstances. They treated me wonderfully throughout the journey and I have absolutely no complaints about them, but we just never became emotionally close. So now that they have their babies and I am no longer an essential part of their world, I have not had to deal with rejection or even a much lessened level of communication. I have received texts from both of them over the last week, and it warms my heart to know that they are still thinking of me even in their spit-uppy, poopy, sleep deprived states. I did not expect a lot of communication and everything I get seems like a nice bonus to the satisfaction I got from the journey itself.
Physically I am doing well. I have been able to move around a little more easily every day. Yesterday I decided it was time to dump the narcotics and I am surviving just on ibuprofen and acetaminophen now. Today I ran an errand and met a friend for lunch, and while I was hurting by the end of it, I am happy to say I made it through. I'm expecting that in another week I should be able to go about my life normally (while still observing the no lifting, no pool, no sex, etc. instructions of course). I am really enjoying the extra time with my daughter - she is almost two and it's so fun to see her language skills and personality blossom a little more each day.
I gained a total of 42 pounds during the pregnancy, and I have lost 24 so far. Only 18 more to go! The swelling in my feet continued to be terrible for the first several days after surgery, but this morning I looked down and saw my normal ankles! I am also back in my normal wedding ring as of yesterday, which is something that took me weeks to accomplish after my last pregnancy. So I'm feeling pretty good about myself. Other than my scar, my stomach doesn't look too bad, and I only came out of this pregnancy with a couple new stretch marks. My skin does kind of hang there, and I'm looking forward to being cleared to exercise so I can get my tummy back to the way it was before.
My milk decided to try to come in on Sunday night, and Monday night and Tuesday were spent in a lot of pain, with a lot of ice shoved into my sports bra. My IPs decided they did not want me to pump for the babies. I don't blame them, on top of everything else they have going on, the last thing they need to worry about is how to get their babies' food shipped safely to them. I would have pumped for them if they had asked, but honestly I'm a little relieved that I can move on with my life and work on getting my body back to normal. My boobs are still feeling uncomfortable today, but definitely better than yesterday so I'm hoping that in a couple more days they will be back to normal.
Next Thursday I have my 2 week post partum check up with my doctor. If everything looks good, that will be the last time I will have to see him related to this pregnancy. I asked him in the hospital how long he recommends waiting to get pregnant again (yes, I love pregnancy THAT much - almost as much as eating!), and he said that 18 months would be best to avoid complications that might prevent me from having a successful vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC), but in any case I need to wait at least 8-12 months. So for the next year or so, my adventures will have to revolve around something other than pregnancy. I have a lot of plans up my sleeve though, so I'm sure I will be just fine!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Birth Story Part III: Recovery
The few hours after delivery were a bit of a blur, as I was in recovery and heavily drugged, and my IPs were still driving to St. Louis. Unfortunately I called them to start driving right at the beginning of Chicago rush hour, so it took them forever to get out of the city, and then they had to deal with construction and traffic the whole way to St. Louis. They ended up not arriving at the hospital until about 4:30pm.
Since they were not going to make it any time soon, shortly after delivery they texted to ask for a picture of the boys. My husband went up to the nursery and got some cute shots of them getting their baths and getting bundled up. I was not prepared to get out of bed yet (it took a few hours for the epidural to wear off and for me to be able to move my legs) so I just decided to wait until my IPs arrived to see the babies for the first time.
Once my IPs finally made it, they stopped by my room first so that they could get their wrist bands for access to the babies. Then we headed up to the recovery floor (the hospital staff had put me in the long-term bedrest unit so that I wouldn't have to deal with hearing newborns in case I had emotional problems after delivery) and to the nursery where the babies were being kept. My husband and I were able to get some photos of the first moments of my IPs meeting their sons. IF got emotional, and as he held one of the babies he had tears in his eyes, and IM was just soaking in her babies. I don't think she took her eyes off of them from the moment we first saw them until we left the hospital two days later. We were able to take the babies to the recovery room they had prepared for my IPs so they could spend time together and bond.
Throughout the first day, L (Baby A) had a bit of a scare with his blood sugar levels, and the doctors said they might have to move him to the NICU, but he balanced out quickly and both babies were healthy in every other way. During the hospital stay they made it through their circumcisions (my OB performed the surgery for both of them), their hearing tests, and their 6 hour car seat tests with flying colors. L was a great eater, and I suspect he will catch up to his brother in weight very soon, and O was a bit more lazy and enjoyed sleeping while being held. IM refers to L as her "angel baby" because he is so sweet and never complains, and O as her "sour sweet" baby, because he is a bit more grouchy.
On Thursday and Friday, we had to deal with the attorney and her legal assistant to get all the legal paperwork sorted out. We signed all the paternity paperwork and our lawyer took them to the judge to get it signed ASAP. They were also able to convince the hospital to just go ahead and put my IPs' names on the birth certificates, so that my name never appeared on anything related to the babies. There were some communication issues, but between the lawyer, the hospital social worker, my IPs and I, we managed to get it all done.
Friday afternoon rolled around, and it was time to check out. I went up to say goodbye to my IPs and their babies one more time. They were doing great with them and I know they will be fantastic parents. I didn't ever feel any sort of attachment to the babies. In fact, when I looked at them or pictures of them, it was hard to believe that they had been inside me for the last 8 months. They just seemed like any other set of newborns - cute, but I had no desire to keep them, or even to hold them. I asked my IPs to stay in touch from time to time, and told them I would love to see/hear how the boys are growing and developing. I know they will be very busy in the coming weeks getting used to two newborns, so I am not counting on lots of communication. I just know that a lot of my time, effort, and health went into giving my IPs their family, and I just would love to be reminded occasionally of the happy ending I helped create.
This morning (at an ungodly early hour - man how their lives have changed already) I received a very sweet text from my IF, checking in to see how I'm feeling and letting me know that they are doing great. He thanked me for what I did for them and how I helped them get their "miracle." The text warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes - I am so happy that I was able to make such deserving people parents!
Since they were not going to make it any time soon, shortly after delivery they texted to ask for a picture of the boys. My husband went up to the nursery and got some cute shots of them getting their baths and getting bundled up. I was not prepared to get out of bed yet (it took a few hours for the epidural to wear off and for me to be able to move my legs) so I just decided to wait until my IPs arrived to see the babies for the first time.
Once my IPs finally made it, they stopped by my room first so that they could get their wrist bands for access to the babies. Then we headed up to the recovery floor (the hospital staff had put me in the long-term bedrest unit so that I wouldn't have to deal with hearing newborns in case I had emotional problems after delivery) and to the nursery where the babies were being kept. My husband and I were able to get some photos of the first moments of my IPs meeting their sons. IF got emotional, and as he held one of the babies he had tears in his eyes, and IM was just soaking in her babies. I don't think she took her eyes off of them from the moment we first saw them until we left the hospital two days later. We were able to take the babies to the recovery room they had prepared for my IPs so they could spend time together and bond.
Throughout the first day, L (Baby A) had a bit of a scare with his blood sugar levels, and the doctors said they might have to move him to the NICU, but he balanced out quickly and both babies were healthy in every other way. During the hospital stay they made it through their circumcisions (my OB performed the surgery for both of them), their hearing tests, and their 6 hour car seat tests with flying colors. L was a great eater, and I suspect he will catch up to his brother in weight very soon, and O was a bit more lazy and enjoyed sleeping while being held. IM refers to L as her "angel baby" because he is so sweet and never complains, and O as her "sour sweet" baby, because he is a bit more grouchy.
On Thursday and Friday, we had to deal with the attorney and her legal assistant to get all the legal paperwork sorted out. We signed all the paternity paperwork and our lawyer took them to the judge to get it signed ASAP. They were also able to convince the hospital to just go ahead and put my IPs' names on the birth certificates, so that my name never appeared on anything related to the babies. There were some communication issues, but between the lawyer, the hospital social worker, my IPs and I, we managed to get it all done.
Friday afternoon rolled around, and it was time to check out. I went up to say goodbye to my IPs and their babies one more time. They were doing great with them and I know they will be fantastic parents. I didn't ever feel any sort of attachment to the babies. In fact, when I looked at them or pictures of them, it was hard to believe that they had been inside me for the last 8 months. They just seemed like any other set of newborns - cute, but I had no desire to keep them, or even to hold them. I asked my IPs to stay in touch from time to time, and told them I would love to see/hear how the boys are growing and developing. I know they will be very busy in the coming weeks getting used to two newborns, so I am not counting on lots of communication. I just know that a lot of my time, effort, and health went into giving my IPs their family, and I just would love to be reminded occasionally of the happy ending I helped create.
This morning (at an ungodly early hour - man how their lives have changed already) I received a very sweet text from my IF, checking in to see how I'm feeling and letting me know that they are doing great. He thanked me for what I did for them and how I helped them get their "miracle." The text warmed my heart and brought tears to my eyes - I am so happy that I was able to make such deserving people parents!
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