Matching

Since this where I am in my journey, I thought it would be nice to give a bit of an explanation of the matching process.  For those who have not gone through it before, it takes a lot more than pairing a hopeful parent up with an available uterus.  There are tons of different things to take into consideration.

The first thing to consider what type of IPs you want to work with.  Do you want to work with a traditional or a same sex couple?  How about a single person?  What geographical location are you looking for - local, in the US, or international?  Do you care about their religion, age, how long they've been together, or whether they already have children?  There are all different types of IPs out there, and no matter who you are looking to help there will be someone who fits your criteria.  It's best to be honest with yourself, your agency, and your potential matches up front to save yourself time in the long run.  I'm sure the IPs looking for surrogates have a list of basic requirements they are looking for as well (age, medical history, location, etc.)

Another issue to consider is how well you "click" with each other, and what kind of relationship you are looking for.  Are you hoping to be close, or are you looking for more of a basic business relationship?  Do you want your IPs to be involved in the pregnancy and willing and able to come to the transfer, doctors appointments, and the birth?  How about after the baby is born - do you want to maintain contact?  If so, how much?  Some people look for anything from occasional pictures and updates to hoping to be like extended family, and some would rather just move on with their lives.  If you are hoping for a close relationship, it's important that you get along well.  What do you have in common?  Is it easy to talk to one another?  What are your IPs' expectations for a GS during the pregnancy - can you meet those requirements?

A third area to think about is where you both stand on the "big questions."  The biggest of these is where you stand on the issues of abortion and selective reduction.  Are you willing to terminate a pregnancy, and if so, for what reasons?  If your IPs would want the option to terminate in case of Downs Syndrome and you will not do so, then the match won't work no matter how much you like each other.  The same thing goes for selective reduction, which is most often used to reduce the number of fetuses from 3 or more to 2 by performing a selective abortion.  This is an area where you can't have the "it won't happen to me" attitude.  Since a lot of times the egg is coming from a mother of AMA (advanced maternal age, or over the age of 35), there are increased risks for these types of things.  Other questions to take into consideration are whether you would be willing to have an invasive procedure such as an amnio at the parents' request or doctor's recommendation, and how many embryos you would feel comfortable transferring at a time, and how many transfers (or "tries") you are willing to commit to. 

Finally, there is the issue that everyone is uncomfortable talking about, but is extremely important: money.  At first glance it may seem selfish or a "get rich quick" strategy to take money for carrying someone's baby for them.  But when you stop to think about all that goes into it, you realize the justification.  The GS has to spend time away from her family and job when she travels for medical screening and embryo transfers.  She has to give herself injections of IVF meds for 3+ months, and multiple times if the first transfer(s) aren't successful.  She has to miss work and/or find childcare for doctor appointments and the birth.  And in addition to the regular emotional and physical strains of pregnancy and delivery, she is also assuming the risk of carrying multiples, being put on bed rest, having to suffer through a miscarriage, termination, c-section, or other invasive procedures, and possibly even losing her own fertility or her life.  A GS has to decide how much compensation all of that is worth to her and her family, and she and her IPs have to be willing and able to pay that amount.

With all of that said, here's to hoping that I find the right match for me!