Got My Stitch Fix!

A while ago I posted on there that I had signed up for Stitch Fix, and I'm happy to say I got my first box!  I thought I'd give a little review of my experience and the clothes I got.

For those who don't know, Stitch Fix is an online personal styling service.  You sign up for free and fill out a style profile.  The profile focuses on your sizes, what types of clothes you normally wear (business, casual, fancy, etc.) and what type of style you like (preppy, bohemian, edgy, etc) - it also has pictures of different outfits that you can rate, if, like me, you don't know what any of those words mean.  You can tell them what colors and prints you like to avoid, what parts of your body you like to flaunt or hide, if there are any items you would like to skip (get all your jeans at a particular store?  Don't waste your stitch fix on pants you won't buy).  Once you have filled out your profile, you can order your first fix.  For each fix, you pay $20 for the stylist's time, but if you buy something the $20 is credited toward your purchase.  Then you wait with bated breath for your package to arrive so you can see what 5 things they sent you to try!  You get 3 days to try them on in the comfort of your own home in combination with the things that are already in your closet.  Whatever you want to keep, you buy, and whatever you don't want to keep, you send back in the enclosed prepaid envelope.

My first thought when I got my box was that these clothes were expensive.  Now, to be fair, I'm pretty cheap when it comes to shopping.  The idea of spending more than $30 on just about anything makes me cringe.  But I realize that in this case you are paying for 1) The stylist's time to pick things out for you, 2) shipping the packages both ways, 3) the convenience of getting to try everything on at your pace in your own bedroom, and 4) the excited Christmas morning feeling you get at receiving a package of surprise goodies.  Plus, everything I ended up keeping was made in the USA.

For each order, you can tell them if there is anything in particular you would like them to send you.  This can be a request for a specific item you saw on their blog or something general like clothes to wear on vacation or to the office.  For this box, I told them I was looking for items that would be equally appropriate for my business casual office setting or a date night.  I was also looking for outfits that would go well with knee high boots for winter time.  Here's what I got!

This picture is a 2 for 1: Just Black Adora Skinny Jean ($88) and 41Hawthorn Queensland Dolman Jersey Top ($48)

These were the first two items I tried on.  I was excited but nervous to see a pair of skinny jeans, because it's hard for me to ever find jeans that fit.  They either have too much or not enough room for my thighs, and I am usually too tall for the regular length jeans and too short for the long length.  I was worried that these would not fit, but I think my stylist might have snuck into my house and taken my measurements while I was sleeping...they were a perfect fit!  If anything they were a little too long, which is great because if they shrink a little in the wash they will still be long enough.  Even though these jeans are pretty pricey, when I find jeans that fit I will pay whatever they cost...I would have bought them if they were $188.  (Just kidding...don't get any ideas, Stitch Fix.)

You can't really tell from the picture, but the top is a deep purple...very pretty.  It's also extremely soft, and surprisingly warm for being so lightweight.  I wasn't sure if I was going to like the sleeves, but once I put it on I was sold.  I liked that it was flowy at the top and still tighter around my hips.  This is something I never would have tried on in the store, so I'm glad that Stitch Fix sent it to me.  My husband loved the outfit as well, so both the top and the jeans were an instant yes for me.

Next up, Sweet Rain Beth French Terry Striped Dress ($48):

 

When I pulled this one out of the box, it seemed sort of shapeless and I thought it would be super baggy on me.  Turns out I had just the opposite problem.  It was almost too tight.  My husband really liked it on me, but I wasn't sold.  I tried dressing it up with jewelry, a belt, and leggings to see if it grew on me, but I thought it hugged me a little too tight on the bottom and made me look too hippy.  Also, the sleeves were a little too short, and I thought that it might be a too short to be work appropriate - it hit about 3 or 4 inches above the knee.  I figured if I wanted everything else in the box, I would keep this one too (you get 25% off the whole box if you keep everything, so it's usually a better deal to get all 5 things than just 4), but I wasn't in love.

41Hawthorn Rockwell Sleeveless Fit & Flare Dress ($78)

 

This one was just kind of "meh" for me. It was sort of plain, and didn't really flatter me that well.  My husband wasn't thrilled with it either.  Plus it was really expensive.  I didn't even bother trying to accessorize this one, it went straight back into the box.

41Hawthorn Toulouse Collared Wrap Dress ($68)

I really liked this dress when I pulled it out of the box.  It is a wrap dress.  I liked the navy color and the cut, and it looked like it would be great for work.  After it took me a good 5 minutes to figure out how to put it on, I wasn't sure it was that flattering on me.  I felt like the top might be a little too baggy.  My husband liked it.  I ended up wearing it around the house for a few hours (one of the perks of Stitch Fix!) to see how I felt in it.  As I wore it more, it really grew on me.  I liked that I could wrap it tight to accentuate my waist, and that it was long enough to hit me at the knee.  I felt like it would be a good option for work.  Plus, I discovered it had pockets!  I'm not sure why that was so exciting for me, but there's just something extra fun about a dress with pockets.  In the end, I decided to keep it.

In addition to the 5 items, I received a note from my stylist, which explained why she picked each item for me.  I really liked that touch, and I could tell the stylist really took everything I put in my style profile into consideration.  I also got a style card for each item, which gives you some ideas about how to style each outfit to dress it up or down.  Really nice touch, and helpful for someone like me!

 

Overall, I was thrilled with my first fix.  I had been reading some other reviews (they link to lots on their website), and had read that the first fix is often a miss.  So I was excited that three out of the five items worked so well!  I kept the jeans, the top, and the wrap dress.  The price was more than I normally would have spent, but I had already paid $20 for the styling fee which I could use toward my purchase, I got a $25 credit from someone signing up for their fix through my link (thank you!) and I had some Christmas cash burning a hole in my pocket so I didn't mind.  I logged in and left detailed feedback on my fix, and I will definitely be ordering another one soon!

I was not paid or even asked by Stitch Fix to post this review, and I don't get anything for doing so.  But if you would like to sign up for Stitch Fix yourself, I would be grateful if you would do so via my link so I can get a credit toward a future purchase (once you sign up you will get your own referral credit link to share with others).  Happy shopping!

Share Your Blog!

When I was first researching and beginning my surro journey, I got really into finding and reading blogs to see what others were experiencing on their journeys.  As I got farther into my own, I continued to follow the blogs that I found, but didn't keep adding new blogs.  Now I have noticed that many of the blogs I feature along my sideline have become, like mine, fairly inactive after their owners completed their journeys.

I am looking to start following new journeys and share them on my blog, so that newbies who come here have some active links to follow!  I know this blog is still viewed at least a few times a day (over 7000 views total now, wow!)

Do you have a blog that you would like me to follow and feature?  If so, post the link here!

Hope everyone is having a safe and enjoyable holiday season!

Is it Hard to "Give Up" the Baby?

I know this is a question lots of people have about surrogacy.  I got this question several times, and it was my mother's main concern when I told her I was going to do surrogacy.  It's also, I'm sure, a very real worry that many potential IPs have when going into this process.

Here is a short article I found, written by a former surrogate to potential IPs who may be worried that their surrogate will want to keep their baby, or at least have a very hard time giving it up once it's born.  I really liked this article because the way she felt is the same as the way I felt, only written more succintly than I would have done it. 

http://www.donorconcierge.com/is-it-hard-for-a-surrogate-to-give-the-baby-up-by-pamela-macphee/

Paragraph 6 ("Here's the key...") was me 100%.  That's exactly what I wanted out of my surrogacy journey, and probably part of the reason I didn't feel fulfilled once it was over.  I was hoping to be able to bask in the glow of my IPs' joy, and I didn't really feel like I was able to do that.

Here's to hoping next time turns out better!

Losing Weight and Feeling Great!

It has been 3.5 months since I had the twins, and I feel that my body is now almost back to normal.  I still have another pound to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight.  Man they weren't lying when they said those last 5 pounds were hard to lose after the second pregnancy.  I don't know if it was the fact that it was twins, the fact that I'm now over 30, the fact that I didn't breastfeed this time, or just the fact that it was the second pregnancy, but even though I had a lot less weight to lose this time, it's taken a lot longer to do it.  But I've been exercising and doing some ab work, and I am finally starting to get to the point where I'm looking in the mirror and liking what I see again.

I recently realized that after spending so much time the last three years either pregnant or planning to be pregnant, my "skinny" wardrobe has been woefully neglected.  Even though I feel like I look good again, a lot of my clothes make me feel out of style, and frumpy, or just plain boring.  I have tried looking in some stores for cute stuff, but since I generally hate shopping, these trips are painful for me.

So I was super excited when I discovered Stitch Fix!  It is an online personal styling service.  You sign up and fill out a "style profile."  This is where you tell them what styles of clothes you normally like, and if you are a dummy like me who doesn't even know what your style is called, they also show a bunch of pictures of outfits and ask you if you like that style.  You can tell them what kind of clothes you need for your lifestyle (business wear?  casual?  date night?), how much you want to spend, what colors/patters/materials you want to avoid, which parts of your body you like to flaunt, and which you prefer to hide, etc.  Then they send you a box of five items - tops, pants, dresses, accessories, etc. - they think you would like.  You can try them on at home.  You pay for what you want, and return the rest for free with feedback on what you liked/didn't and why, so the next time they have a better idea of what you would like.  I paid $20 for the stylist's time, but that is applied as credit toward whatever I decide to keep once I get my box.  For each box, you can tell them if there is anything specific you are looking for in that particular shipment.  For example, I said that I was looking for winter clothes that could I could wear in my business casual workplace as well as out for a girls night or date night.  I also told them I just bought a pair of boots and am looking for something to help show them off.  I should be getting my box in about 6 weeks, and I'm excited to see what they send me!  Sound fun?  Here is the link if you would like to check it out: http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3295725.

Please note, I do not work for Stitch Fix, nor do I get paid to post this.  It's just something I found that I was excited about, and thought other surros (or random readers) might have the same clothes problems and needs as me.  However, if you use my link and sign up for a Stitch Fix box of your own, I do get a $25 credit toward my order.  So, if you want to sign up, I would love it if you would use my link to do so!

Anyway, I don't really have much going on that is surro-related these days that is actually reportable, although I think I have developed a bit of a pregnancy/surrogacy addiction and I still want to stay active in the community.  (Do I browse the classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online?  Yes.  Do I keep a count down of how much longer until I can get pregnant again?  Yes - 8.5 months).  So I might stop by from time to time and post something that is mildly surrogacy, or at least pregnancy, related.  Hope all my blog friends are doing well!

Choosing IPs

In response to my last post, someone commented with a question.  I'm going to answer it here, because I think it's a good one:

When you state your requirements for the type of IPs you are prepared to work with, are you allowed to say you'd like IPs who would welcome the chance to get to know you and be a big part of the pregnancy?

The short answer is yes.  When choosing the IPs, you can be as picky as you want.  You are, after all, helping them voluntarily.  You are sacrificing your body, risking your fertility and health, and donating a year or longer to the shared goal of making them parents.  So you have a right to choose the IPs that you are most comfortable working with.

There are many things that people care about.  Some of the most common I've seen are: location, family structure (individual v. gay couple v. traditional couple, how many current children, etc.), religion, age, how many embryos they want to transfer, whether they are using their own genetics v. donated eggs, level of communication during and after pregnancy, and "hot button" issues like whether they would want to reduce higher order multiples or terminate pregnancy for certain reasons.

For example, I will tell you what my requirements were for IPs when matching:  I wanted a couple in a long-term committed relationship (gay or straight).  I wanted them to be located close enough to me to be able to attend important appointments and be there for the birth.  And I wanted to feel like I was part of a "team" with my IPs - I did  not want to be treated like I was their employee or a uterus for hire.  I was not interested in manufacturing or forcing a friendship.  If it happened naturally, great, if not, that's OK too.  I also didn't have many requirements for contact after birth, although I asked to receive occasional pictures and updates of the babies.

If, as a surrogate, you want to have a friendship with your IPs and have regular communication after the birth, that is something you can ask for.  However, it's not something you will necessarily get.  For example, when my IPs were telling the agency what they wanted, they told them they wanted regular communication with their surrogate both during the pregnancy and after the birth, including skyping and visits.  In reality, they did not want to do these things.  I will never know if it was something they lied about intentionally from the beginning because they were saying what they thought potential surrogates would like to hear, if they changed their minds during the process, or if they simply didn't feel enough of a connection with me personally to want to do that.  Luckily, close friendship was something I was not counting on, or I could have ended up very devastated by the way things turned out.

I don't say this to condemn my IPs, I really am fine with the way things turned out.  I had some frustration along the way, but it was more to do with the difference in our communication styles rather than one of us doing something wrong.  Were we the best match ever?  Probably not.  Were they everything I asked for?  Yes, they met all the requirements I gave my agency.  If I could go back in time would I still choose to work with them?  Absolutely.  Being able to give them their sons was a priceless experience, and they deserve all the happiness that parenthood brings.  I am hopeful that occasionally in the future they will think of me and send me some pictures of the happy ending that I helped make possible.

My first surrogacy journey was a great experience, and it was also a learning experience.  I have learned when things really matter to me, and which things aren't as important.  If I do another journey, I will have a totally different list of requirements:

- I will work with any IPs, not just couples.  Originally I thought it was important for children to have two parents, but being in the surrogacy community for a couple years now, I've seen that single IPs usually have a great support system of family and friends, and their children will have no shortage of love.  I still would prefer to work with a couple over an individual, but I won't turn down an otherwise perfect IP because they happen to be single.

- I no longer care about location.  Sure, having someone local or semi-local would be a definite perk, but there's no point in being close enough to go out to lunch if the parties involved aren't actually going to want to do it.  The main reason I wanted IPs who lived close to me was so they could come to appointments and the birth.  Well, my IPs who lived a 5 hour drive away did not make the birth.  From belonging to the surrogate message boards, I know that IPs were able to travel across the country, and even across the world, and make it in time for the births of their children, because they planned well in advance.  What's important to me is that the IPs have the ability and desire to attend transfer, big appointments, and birth, and are going to make it a priority.

-I am going to be much more picky about the relationship I have with my IPs.  Going into the last journey, I didn't feel like it would be right to force a friendship on someone.  I still think that's wrong.  However, I have realized it's not about trying to be friends with the people you choose to work with, it's about choosing to work with people who it would be easy to be friends with.  Next time I'm going to look for someone I have more of a natural connection with.  Probably someone more "like me" -- maybe we share more common interests, are closer in age, have the same cultural background, or are in the same place in our lives.  I want it to be easy for us to keep in touch, and care more about each other than just our progress through the pregnancy.

-Communication is HUGE.  I know now that I need to find someone else who is a big emailer.  I am much better at written communication (hence the blogging) than verbal communication, so most of the time I prefer email. And while I am happy to text, I feel that important things should be communicated by actually putting the phone to your ear and calling someone.  Most of my frustrations with my IPs had to do with communication, and it is extremely important to me that communication is great on my next journey.

-Most importantly for me, and probably the thing that will make it the hardest for me to match again, is that going forward I will only do SETs (single embryo transfers).  Carrying twins was easy for me, and we were lucky that we had no complications, bed rest, or extreme preterm delivery.  However, there is not guarantee I would be that lucky again.  Even with a perfectly healthy pregnancy, the monitoring that was involved was irritating at best - I think I probably had about 5 extra appointments and 8 extra ultrasounds, not to mention several internal ultrasounds, simply because it was twins.  Also, I have now had a vaginal delivery and a c-section, and I can say with certainty that I never want to have a c-section again.  There is never any guarantee that a c-section won't be necessary with any birth, but the rate of c-sections in twin deliveries is about 60%, way too high for my comfort level.  Most IPs' doctors tell them that increasing the number of embryos transferred increases their odds of success, and some are even hoping for twins.  I know now that these IPs will not be for me.  I will only work with IPs who are looking for ONE healthy baby at a time.

So there it is, my list of requirements for my (possible) future surrogacy. If I do another one, it will not be for another couple years, so I have plenty of time to revise my wants and needs before the time actually comes.