I know this is a question lots of people have about surrogacy. I got this question several times, and it was my mother's main concern when I told her I was going to do surrogacy. It's also, I'm sure, a very real worry that many potential IPs have when going into this process.
Here is a short article I found, written by a former surrogate to potential IPs who may be worried that their surrogate will want to keep their baby, or at least have a very hard time giving it up once it's born. I really liked this article because the way she felt is the same as the way I felt, only written more succintly than I would have done it.
http://www.donorconcierge.com/is-it-hard-for-a-surrogate-to-give-the-baby-up-by-pamela-macphee/
Paragraph 6 ("Here's the key...") was me 100%. That's exactly what I wanted out of my surrogacy journey, and probably part of the reason I didn't feel fulfilled once it was over. I was hoping to be able to bask in the glow of my IPs' joy, and I didn't really feel like I was able to do that.
Here's to hoping next time turns out better!
Friday, November 22, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Losing Weight and Feeling Great!
It has been 3.5 months since I had the twins, and I feel that my body is now almost back to normal. I still have another pound to go to hit my pre-pregnancy weight. Man they weren't lying when they said those last 5 pounds were hard to lose after the second pregnancy. I don't know if it was the fact that it was twins, the fact that I'm now over 30, the fact that I didn't breastfeed this time, or just the fact that it was the second pregnancy, but even though I had a lot less weight to lose this time, it's taken a lot longer to do it. But I've been exercising and doing some ab work, and I am finally starting to get to the point where I'm looking in the mirror and liking what I see again.
I recently realized that after spending so much time the last three years either pregnant or planning to be pregnant, my "skinny" wardrobe has been woefully neglected. Even though I feel like I look good again, a lot of my clothes make me feel out of style, and frumpy, or just plain boring. I have tried looking in some stores for cute stuff, but since I generally hate shopping, these trips are painful for me.
So I was super excited when I discovered Stitch Fix! It is an online personal styling service. You sign up and fill out a "style profile." This is where you tell them what styles of clothes you normally like, and if you are a dummy like me who doesn't even know what your style is called, they also show a bunch of pictures of outfits and ask you if you like that style. You can tell them what kind of clothes you need for your lifestyle (business wear? casual? date night?), how much you want to spend, what colors/patters/materials you want to avoid, which parts of your body you like to flaunt, and which you prefer to hide, etc. Then they send you a box of five items - tops, pants, dresses, accessories, etc. - they think you would like. You can try them on at home. You pay for what you want, and return the rest for free with feedback on what you liked/didn't and why, so the next time they have a better idea of what you would like. I paid $20 for the stylist's time, but that is applied as credit toward whatever I decide to keep once I get my box. For each box, you can tell them if there is anything specific you are looking for in that particular shipment. For example, I said that I was looking for winter clothes that could I could wear in my business casual workplace as well as out for a girls night or date night. I also told them I just bought a pair of boots and am looking for something to help show them off. I should be getting my box in about 6 weeks, and I'm excited to see what they send me! Sound fun? Here is the link if you would like to check it out: http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3295725.
Please note, I do not work for Stitch Fix, nor do I get paid to post this. It's just something I found that I was excited about, and thought other surros (or random readers) might have the same clothes problems and needs as me. However, if you use my link and sign up for a Stitch Fix box of your own, I do get a $25 credit toward my order. So, if you want to sign up, I would love it if you would use my link to do so!
Anyway, I don't really have much going on that is surro-related these days that is actually reportable, although I think I have developed a bit of a pregnancy/surrogacy addiction and I still want to stay active in the community. (Do I browse the classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online? Yes. Do I keep a count down of how much longer until I can get pregnant again? Yes - 8.5 months). So I might stop by from time to time and post something that is mildly surrogacy, or at least pregnancy, related. Hope all my blog friends are doing well!
I recently realized that after spending so much time the last three years either pregnant or planning to be pregnant, my "skinny" wardrobe has been woefully neglected. Even though I feel like I look good again, a lot of my clothes make me feel out of style, and frumpy, or just plain boring. I have tried looking in some stores for cute stuff, but since I generally hate shopping, these trips are painful for me.
So I was super excited when I discovered Stitch Fix! It is an online personal styling service. You sign up and fill out a "style profile." This is where you tell them what styles of clothes you normally like, and if you are a dummy like me who doesn't even know what your style is called, they also show a bunch of pictures of outfits and ask you if you like that style. You can tell them what kind of clothes you need for your lifestyle (business wear? casual? date night?), how much you want to spend, what colors/patters/materials you want to avoid, which parts of your body you like to flaunt, and which you prefer to hide, etc. Then they send you a box of five items - tops, pants, dresses, accessories, etc. - they think you would like. You can try them on at home. You pay for what you want, and return the rest for free with feedback on what you liked/didn't and why, so the next time they have a better idea of what you would like. I paid $20 for the stylist's time, but that is applied as credit toward whatever I decide to keep once I get my box. For each box, you can tell them if there is anything specific you are looking for in that particular shipment. For example, I said that I was looking for winter clothes that could I could wear in my business casual workplace as well as out for a girls night or date night. I also told them I just bought a pair of boots and am looking for something to help show them off. I should be getting my box in about 6 weeks, and I'm excited to see what they send me! Sound fun? Here is the link if you would like to check it out: http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3295725.
Please note, I do not work for Stitch Fix, nor do I get paid to post this. It's just something I found that I was excited about, and thought other surros (or random readers) might have the same clothes problems and needs as me. However, if you use my link and sign up for a Stitch Fix box of your own, I do get a $25 credit toward my order. So, if you want to sign up, I would love it if you would use my link to do so!
Anyway, I don't really have much going on that is surro-related these days that is actually reportable, although I think I have developed a bit of a pregnancy/surrogacy addiction and I still want to stay active in the community. (Do I browse the classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online? Yes. Do I keep a count down of how much longer until I can get pregnant again? Yes - 8.5 months). So I might stop by from time to time and post something that is mildly surrogacy, or at least pregnancy, related. Hope all my blog friends are doing well!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Choosing IPs
In response to my last post, someone commented with a question. I'm going to answer it here, because I think it's a good one:
When you state your requirements for the type of IPs you are prepared to work with, are you allowed to say you'd like IPs who would welcome the chance to get to know you and be a big part of the pregnancy?
The short answer is yes. When choosing the IPs, you can be as picky as you want. You are, after all, helping them voluntarily. You are sacrificing your body, risking your fertility and health, and donating a year or longer to the shared goal of making them parents. So you have a right to choose the IPs that you are most comfortable working with.
There are many things that people care about. Some of the most common I've seen are: location, family structure (individual v. gay couple v. traditional couple, how many current children, etc.), religion, age, how many embryos they want to transfer, whether they are using their own genetics v. donated eggs, level of communication during and after pregnancy, and "hot button" issues like whether they would want to reduce higher order multiples or terminate pregnancy for certain reasons.
For example, I will tell you what my requirements were for IPs when matching: I wanted a couple in a long-term committed relationship (gay or straight). I wanted them to be located close enough to me to be able to attend important appointments and be there for the birth. And I wanted to feel like I was part of a "team" with my IPs - I did not want to be treated like I was their employee or a uterus for hire. I was not interested in manufacturing or forcing a friendship. If it happened naturally, great, if not, that's OK too. I also didn't have many requirements for contact after birth, although I asked to receive occasional pictures and updates of the babies.
If, as a surrogate, you want to have a friendship with your IPs and have regular communication after the birth, that is something you can ask for. However, it's not something you will necessarily get. For example, when my IPs were telling the agency what they wanted, they told them they wanted regular communication with their surrogate both during the pregnancy and after the birth, including skyping and visits. In reality, they did not want to do these things. I will never know if it was something they lied about intentionally from the beginning because they were saying what they thought potential surrogates would like to hear, if they changed their minds during the process, or if they simply didn't feel enough of a connection with me personally to want to do that. Luckily, close friendship was something I was not counting on, or I could have ended up very devastated by the way things turned out.
I don't say this to condemn my IPs, I really am fine with the way things turned out. I had some frustration along the way, but it was more to do with the difference in our communication styles rather than one of us doing something wrong. Were we the best match ever? Probably not. Were they everything I asked for? Yes, they met all the requirements I gave my agency. If I could go back in time would I still choose to work with them? Absolutely. Being able to give them their sons was a priceless experience, and they deserve all the happiness that parenthood brings. I am hopeful that occasionally in the future they will think of me and send me some pictures of the happy ending that I helped make possible.
My first surrogacy journey was a great experience, and it was also a learning experience. I have learned when things really matter to me, and which things aren't as important. If I do another journey, I will have a totally different list of requirements:
- I will work with any IPs, not just couples. Originally I thought it was important for children to have two parents, but being in the surrogacy community for a couple years now, I've seen that single IPs usually have a great support system of family and friends, and their children will have no shortage of love. I still would prefer to work with a couple over an individual, but I won't turn down an otherwise perfect IP because they happen to be single.
- I no longer care about location. Sure, having someone local or semi-local would be a definite perk, but there's no point in being close enough to go out to lunch if the parties involved aren't actually going to want to do it. The main reason I wanted IPs who lived close to me was so they could come to appointments and the birth. Well, my IPs who lived a 5 hour drive away did not make the birth. From belonging to the surrogate message boards, I know that IPs were able to travel across the country, and even across the world, and make it in time for the births of their children, because they planned well in advance. What's important to me is that the IPs have the ability and desire to attend transfer, big appointments, and birth, and are going to make it a priority.
-I am going to be much more picky about the relationship I have with my IPs. Going into the last journey, I didn't feel like it would be right to force a friendship on someone. I still think that's wrong. However, I have realized it's not about trying to be friends with the people you choose to work with, it's about choosing to work with people who it would be easy to be friends with. Next time I'm going to look for someone I have more of a natural connection with. Probably someone more "like me" -- maybe we share more common interests, are closer in age, have the same cultural background, or are in the same place in our lives. I want it to be easy for us to keep in touch, and care more about each other than just our progress through the pregnancy.
-Communication is HUGE. I know now that I need to find someone else who is a big emailer. I am much better at written communication (hence the blogging) than verbal communication, so most of the time I prefer email. And while I am happy to text, I feel that important things should be communicated by actually putting the phone to your ear and calling someone. Most of my frustrations with my IPs had to do with communication, and it is extremely important to me that communication is great on my next journey.
-Most importantly for me, and probably the thing that will make it the hardest for me to match again, is that going forward I will only do SETs (single embryo transfers). Carrying twins was easy for me, and we were lucky that we had no complications, bed rest, or extreme preterm delivery. However, there is not guarantee I would be that lucky again. Even with a perfectly healthy pregnancy, the monitoring that was involved was irritating at best - I think I probably had about 5 extra appointments and 8 extra ultrasounds, not to mention several internal ultrasounds, simply because it was twins. Also, I have now had a vaginal delivery and a c-section, and I can say with certainty that I never want to have a c-section again. There is never any guarantee that a c-section won't be necessary with any birth, but the rate of c-sections in twin deliveries is about 60%, way too high for my comfort level. Most IPs' doctors tell them that increasing the number of embryos transferred increases their odds of success, and some are even hoping for twins. I know now that these IPs will not be for me. I will only work with IPs who are looking for ONE healthy baby at a time.
So there it is, my list of requirements for my (possible) future surrogacy. If I do another one, it will not be for another couple years, so I have plenty of time to revise my wants and needs before the time actually comes.
When you state your requirements for the type of IPs you are prepared to work with, are you allowed to say you'd like IPs who would welcome the chance to get to know you and be a big part of the pregnancy?
The short answer is yes. When choosing the IPs, you can be as picky as you want. You are, after all, helping them voluntarily. You are sacrificing your body, risking your fertility and health, and donating a year or longer to the shared goal of making them parents. So you have a right to choose the IPs that you are most comfortable working with.
There are many things that people care about. Some of the most common I've seen are: location, family structure (individual v. gay couple v. traditional couple, how many current children, etc.), religion, age, how many embryos they want to transfer, whether they are using their own genetics v. donated eggs, level of communication during and after pregnancy, and "hot button" issues like whether they would want to reduce higher order multiples or terminate pregnancy for certain reasons.
For example, I will tell you what my requirements were for IPs when matching: I wanted a couple in a long-term committed relationship (gay or straight). I wanted them to be located close enough to me to be able to attend important appointments and be there for the birth. And I wanted to feel like I was part of a "team" with my IPs - I did not want to be treated like I was their employee or a uterus for hire. I was not interested in manufacturing or forcing a friendship. If it happened naturally, great, if not, that's OK too. I also didn't have many requirements for contact after birth, although I asked to receive occasional pictures and updates of the babies.
If, as a surrogate, you want to have a friendship with your IPs and have regular communication after the birth, that is something you can ask for. However, it's not something you will necessarily get. For example, when my IPs were telling the agency what they wanted, they told them they wanted regular communication with their surrogate both during the pregnancy and after the birth, including skyping and visits. In reality, they did not want to do these things. I will never know if it was something they lied about intentionally from the beginning because they were saying what they thought potential surrogates would like to hear, if they changed their minds during the process, or if they simply didn't feel enough of a connection with me personally to want to do that. Luckily, close friendship was something I was not counting on, or I could have ended up very devastated by the way things turned out.
I don't say this to condemn my IPs, I really am fine with the way things turned out. I had some frustration along the way, but it was more to do with the difference in our communication styles rather than one of us doing something wrong. Were we the best match ever? Probably not. Were they everything I asked for? Yes, they met all the requirements I gave my agency. If I could go back in time would I still choose to work with them? Absolutely. Being able to give them their sons was a priceless experience, and they deserve all the happiness that parenthood brings. I am hopeful that occasionally in the future they will think of me and send me some pictures of the happy ending that I helped make possible.
My first surrogacy journey was a great experience, and it was also a learning experience. I have learned when things really matter to me, and which things aren't as important. If I do another journey, I will have a totally different list of requirements:
- I will work with any IPs, not just couples. Originally I thought it was important for children to have two parents, but being in the surrogacy community for a couple years now, I've seen that single IPs usually have a great support system of family and friends, and their children will have no shortage of love. I still would prefer to work with a couple over an individual, but I won't turn down an otherwise perfect IP because they happen to be single.
- I no longer care about location. Sure, having someone local or semi-local would be a definite perk, but there's no point in being close enough to go out to lunch if the parties involved aren't actually going to want to do it. The main reason I wanted IPs who lived close to me was so they could come to appointments and the birth. Well, my IPs who lived a 5 hour drive away did not make the birth. From belonging to the surrogate message boards, I know that IPs were able to travel across the country, and even across the world, and make it in time for the births of their children, because they planned well in advance. What's important to me is that the IPs have the ability and desire to attend transfer, big appointments, and birth, and are going to make it a priority.
-I am going to be much more picky about the relationship I have with my IPs. Going into the last journey, I didn't feel like it would be right to force a friendship on someone. I still think that's wrong. However, I have realized it's not about trying to be friends with the people you choose to work with, it's about choosing to work with people who it would be easy to be friends with. Next time I'm going to look for someone I have more of a natural connection with. Probably someone more "like me" -- maybe we share more common interests, are closer in age, have the same cultural background, or are in the same place in our lives. I want it to be easy for us to keep in touch, and care more about each other than just our progress through the pregnancy.
-Communication is HUGE. I know now that I need to find someone else who is a big emailer. I am much better at written communication (hence the blogging) than verbal communication, so most of the time I prefer email. And while I am happy to text, I feel that important things should be communicated by actually putting the phone to your ear and calling someone. Most of my frustrations with my IPs had to do with communication, and it is extremely important to me that communication is great on my next journey.
-Most importantly for me, and probably the thing that will make it the hardest for me to match again, is that going forward I will only do SETs (single embryo transfers). Carrying twins was easy for me, and we were lucky that we had no complications, bed rest, or extreme preterm delivery. However, there is not guarantee I would be that lucky again. Even with a perfectly healthy pregnancy, the monitoring that was involved was irritating at best - I think I probably had about 5 extra appointments and 8 extra ultrasounds, not to mention several internal ultrasounds, simply because it was twins. Also, I have now had a vaginal delivery and a c-section, and I can say with certainty that I never want to have a c-section again. There is never any guarantee that a c-section won't be necessary with any birth, but the rate of c-sections in twin deliveries is about 60%, way too high for my comfort level. Most IPs' doctors tell them that increasing the number of embryos transferred increases their odds of success, and some are even hoping for twins. I know now that these IPs will not be for me. I will only work with IPs who are looking for ONE healthy baby at a time.
So there it is, my list of requirements for my (possible) future surrogacy. If I do another one, it will not be for another couple years, so I have plenty of time to revise my wants and needs before the time actually comes.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Looking Back
My surrogate journey ended almost two months ago now, and I feel like I can now go back and take a look at my journey from a "big picture" perspective.
I was terrified when I found out that I was carrying twins. I was afraid of how it would affect my family and my job. What if I was put on bed rest for weeks or months? How would my family get by without me? Would it make my employers upset to have me out for so long? I was also afraid for the babies. The risk of complications is so much higher with twins, and (don't quote me but I read this somewhere) about 50% are born prematurely and spend at least some time in NICU. My IPs had already been through so much, and my job was to carry their babies until they were big and healthy enough to meet them. What if I failed to do that?
But we got lucky. I was able to work up until the day I went into labor, and both babies were born healthy enough to go home with their parents two days later. My c-section went smoothly, and I had no complications. I didn't experience any distress over separating with the babies, and I didn't have any baby blues in the days and weeks following delivery. Within two weeks of delivering, I was feeling back to my old self.
I was terrified when I found out that I was carrying twins. I was afraid of how it would affect my family and my job. What if I was put on bed rest for weeks or months? How would my family get by without me? Would it make my employers upset to have me out for so long? I was also afraid for the babies. The risk of complications is so much higher with twins, and (don't quote me but I read this somewhere) about 50% are born prematurely and spend at least some time in NICU. My IPs had already been through so much, and my job was to carry their babies until they were big and healthy enough to meet them. What if I failed to do that?
But we got lucky. I was able to work up until the day I went into labor, and both babies were born healthy enough to go home with their parents two days later. My c-section went smoothly, and I had no complications. I didn't experience any distress over separating with the babies, and I didn't have any baby blues in the days and weeks following delivery. Within two weeks of delivering, I was feeling back to my old self.
So why is it that when I look back over my surrogacy experience as a whole, I feel kind of, "eh"? At the beginning of my journey I was so excited and eager. I already felt pride in what I was about to do, and I felt like maybe this was the reason I was put on the planet...to help another couple achieve the gift of parenthood that I had come by so easily. Don't get me wrong, I am still proud of what I did, and I still believe that I was meant to help my IPs become parents, but somewhere along the way I sort of lost the magic of the experience.
I think the main problem is that the reality of my journey was nothing like the journey I had visualized in my head when I first started. When I first saw myself going through the experience, I saw myself helping my IPs to experience their pregnancy. I pictured my IPs coming to appointments, then us going out to lunch or dinner afterward with my family. My IM would place her hands on my belly and giggle with excitement as her baby kicked in response. They would be active and interested in what was going on - what I was craving, how much movement I was feeling, when I though the baby might make an appearance.
In reality, the pregnancy went nothing like that. My IPs came to the majority of appointments, but were not interested in spending any time together outside of them. They would drive in and head right back out as soon as they were over. Toward the end of the pregnancy, they stopped coming to most appointments, as they had too many other things going on at home. They never felt their babies kick, and sometimes did not even respond to the weekly emails I sent them to update them on the pregnancy.
The delivery also did not go the way I had planned. I had imagined my husband and my IPs in the delivery room with me as I labored, all of us talking to kill the time. I imagined me pushing with everyone's encouragement, and once the baby was born, I could see it being placed on its mother's chest. I pictured the whole room sharing the shock and joy, the laughing and crying, as my IPs met their son or daughter for the first time.
Instead, I delivered the twins by c-section in an operating room. There were tons of people there, and with the exception of my husband and the anesthesiologist, they all ignored me. The babies entered the world and were placed on no one's chest - they were whisked out of the room without me or my husband, the only people who cared about them, even being allowed a glance at them first. My IPs were not there to meet their babies. They had originally wanted to be at the birth, but once they found out that I would have to have a c-section and the doctor would not wait for them to make their 5 hour drive before performing it, they decided they wouldn't even bother trying. They didn't arrive until hours after their boys were born, and they had to go to the nursery to retrieve their children. At the first meeting there was no laughing or crying, no hugging, or any other extreme outpouring of emotions or joy. We were all more consumed with the logistics of collecting the babies, transporting them to their recovery room, and getting everyone settled in.
I know it sounds like I'm complaining. And maybe I am, a little. But I am not upset. I do not blame my IPs for the way things went. I do not fault them for not fitting in with the perfect scenario I pictured in my head. They were never anything but respectful, caring and kind toward me. They brought me snacks and gifts for my child almost every time I saw them. They are wonderful people who deserved to be parents. But we both went into surrogacy for a purpose - mine was to help a family become parents, and theirs was to become parents. Aside from that, our expectations for the journey to get there probably just didn't line up. While having them turn me down for lunch made me a little sad, I understood that they were busy people who traveled a long way for the appointments. As the pregnancy progressed, they got even busier planning for a baby on top of all their other tasks and commitments. In addition, there was a big age gap, culture gap, and a difference in communications styles. We wouldn't have been friends if we just met on the street, we did not have anything in common. So I was not sad or surprised that our relationship never blossomed into a friendship, and I was not offended that they did not want to spend extra time with me or my family outside of appointments.
I also don't blame them, the hospital staff, or anyone else for my delivery experience. We had breech babies, and a c-section was necessary. That's just the way it was. By the time we all met the babies, I was drugged on morphine, and had gone 34 hours without any sleep. I was mainly just trying not to nod off in my wheelchair. My IPs had just had an agonizingly long drive filled with traffic and construction, and had probably gotten almost as little sleep as I had. They were shocked, stressed, and overwhelmed by the time they finally got a chance to meet their little boys.
I will admit, I'm still a little miffed about the c-section. Logically I know there is no reason to be. I know it was necessary. It went fine and I recovered easily. But something about having a major abdominal surgery for something other than an actual medical problem just rubs me the wrong way, and I think it always will. I also worry about any future deliveries, as I know that from now on, I will be facing an uphill battle to get to deliver vaginally.
Do I wish that things had gone a little differently? Yes. Would I go back in time and make any different choices? No. In the end, I was able to make two deserving people into parents, and bring two humans into this world who would never have had the chance to exist without my help. I don't look back on my experience and feel bitterness, or even disappointment. I guess the best word to describe it would be underwhelmed. It was not a bad journey. In fact, it's probably the most amazing thing I will ever have a chance to do in my whole life. But it wasn't the journey I had idealized in my head. I was the one who painted the perfect, pretty picture of how I wanted it to go, and it's no one's fault but mine that the reality didn't live up to the expectations.
If I decide to do another surrogacy journey (and yes, I am considering it), I think I will do things a little differently. First, I will have a few more requirements about the IPs I'm willing to work with, and I will shoot for someone who is willing to only do single embryo transfers. Most importantly, I will try to temper my expectations so that the beauty of the journey is able to shine through without being clouded by my idealistic expectations.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Long Time No Post!
Hey all, is anyone still out there?
It's been a while since I updated. The twins are 7 weeks old today! The last I heard they were doing well and growing like weeks, but I don't really have much to update on them since I don't hear from their parents very often anymore. I am doing well. I am fully healed from the c-section. My tummy is back to being nice and flat, but it feels weird and soft - I need to start doing some abs work soon! I still have about 6 pounds to lose, but I am able to fit back into my normal clothes...yay!
I thoroughly enjoyed my "maternity" leave, and spent 5 and a half weeks spending extra time with my husband and daughter and doing lots of projects around the house. The icing on the cake was that except for one super hot week at the end of August, the weather was gorgeous! I am now at my second week back to work and starting to get settled in and caught up. It's really nice to be back into the swing of things with my life back to normal. I was worried that after my surrogacy journey was over, I would feel like a part of my life was missing. Surrogacy has consumed my time and energy for the last year and a half, and to know that it was going to end so suddenly was a little scary. Luckily, I haven't had any problems at all adjusting, mainly because I have so much going on. I am the type of person who really likes to have projects and plans, so I made sure that I had a lot waiting on my plate for me as soon as the journey was over. Here is what is next for us:
1) Sell our house - we put our house on the market two weeks ago. The timing worked out perfectly because I was able to use the maternity leave time to really get our house spruced up. My husband took 4 weeks of FMLA time off work to "help" me after my surgery, and together we redid our landscaping (turns out gardening didn't land at the top of my to-do list while pregnant with twins in the summertime), re-grouted our kitchen floor, cleaned out all our closets, cleaned and organized our basement, touched up our pain, and fixed some small maintenance issues here and there. Now we just have to keep our house in pristine condition - not an easy feat with a toddler - until it sells.
2) Go on vacation - we will be taking a vacation to Washington DC in October. It's going to be great. My parents will be watching our daughter back home so my husband and I will get to check out the sights without distractions! We are staying with some friends who moved out there a couple years ago so it will be so nice to see them as well!
3) Move to Denver. Denver is where we are both from, and where all our families live. We do not have jobs lined up out there or a deadline to get out there, but now just seems like the right time for us to go back home. So we aren't desperate to move, and we will wait until we get an offer on our house before making any concrete plans.
4) Get jobs in Denver. This is the part that scares me. I love my job here and the people I work with/for, and the thought of starting over scares me. I refuse to even check out the job market or look at potential opportunities until we get an offer on the house. Not the best career move I know, but we will hopefully have the luxury of me being able to take a few months to get my bearings and apply for jobs that really seem like a good match before we will start getting desperate for the money.
5) Have another baby of our own. Once we get settled into our lives in Denver, it will be time to start thinking about giving our little girl a sibling. I think the timing on this will (hopefully) work out really well, because after my c-section my doctor recommended waiting at least a year (18 months for the best chance at a VBAC) before getting pregnant again. I'm also looking forward to not being pregnant next summer...summer evenings are just so much more enjoyable with a glass or wine or a cocktail!
I'll try to be back soon with an update more related to surrogacy!
It's been a while since I updated. The twins are 7 weeks old today! The last I heard they were doing well and growing like weeks, but I don't really have much to update on them since I don't hear from their parents very often anymore. I am doing well. I am fully healed from the c-section. My tummy is back to being nice and flat, but it feels weird and soft - I need to start doing some abs work soon! I still have about 6 pounds to lose, but I am able to fit back into my normal clothes...yay!
I thoroughly enjoyed my "maternity" leave, and spent 5 and a half weeks spending extra time with my husband and daughter and doing lots of projects around the house. The icing on the cake was that except for one super hot week at the end of August, the weather was gorgeous! I am now at my second week back to work and starting to get settled in and caught up. It's really nice to be back into the swing of things with my life back to normal. I was worried that after my surrogacy journey was over, I would feel like a part of my life was missing. Surrogacy has consumed my time and energy for the last year and a half, and to know that it was going to end so suddenly was a little scary. Luckily, I haven't had any problems at all adjusting, mainly because I have so much going on. I am the type of person who really likes to have projects and plans, so I made sure that I had a lot waiting on my plate for me as soon as the journey was over. Here is what is next for us:
1) Sell our house - we put our house on the market two weeks ago. The timing worked out perfectly because I was able to use the maternity leave time to really get our house spruced up. My husband took 4 weeks of FMLA time off work to "help" me after my surgery, and together we redid our landscaping (turns out gardening didn't land at the top of my to-do list while pregnant with twins in the summertime), re-grouted our kitchen floor, cleaned out all our closets, cleaned and organized our basement, touched up our pain, and fixed some small maintenance issues here and there. Now we just have to keep our house in pristine condition - not an easy feat with a toddler - until it sells.
2) Go on vacation - we will be taking a vacation to Washington DC in October. It's going to be great. My parents will be watching our daughter back home so my husband and I will get to check out the sights without distractions! We are staying with some friends who moved out there a couple years ago so it will be so nice to see them as well!
3) Move to Denver. Denver is where we are both from, and where all our families live. We do not have jobs lined up out there or a deadline to get out there, but now just seems like the right time for us to go back home. So we aren't desperate to move, and we will wait until we get an offer on our house before making any concrete plans.
4) Get jobs in Denver. This is the part that scares me. I love my job here and the people I work with/for, and the thought of starting over scares me. I refuse to even check out the job market or look at potential opportunities until we get an offer on the house. Not the best career move I know, but we will hopefully have the luxury of me being able to take a few months to get my bearings and apply for jobs that really seem like a good match before we will start getting desperate for the money.
5) Have another baby of our own. Once we get settled into our lives in Denver, it will be time to start thinking about giving our little girl a sibling. I think the timing on this will (hopefully) work out really well, because after my c-section my doctor recommended waiting at least a year (18 months for the best chance at a VBAC) before getting pregnant again. I'm also looking forward to not being pregnant next summer...summer evenings are just so much more enjoyable with a glass or wine or a cocktail!
I'll try to be back soon with an update more related to surrogacy!
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