Some More Details

When I decided to create a blog, I vowed to myself that I would be honest.  No sugar coating things, not putting a positive spin.  I wanted to have all of my real feelings, both physical and emotional, written down on (virtual) paper, both so that I could remember all the aspects of my journey, and so others that are considering surrogacy know what to expect.  So, here I go.

Yes, we have been pushed back another month.  It is what it is.  It's disappointing.  But there's really nothing we can do about it.  What pushed me over the line from disappointment to outright fury, is the way our clinic handled the setback.

As I already said, I had emailed my coordinator to get my calendar, only to be told that the egg donor had not finished her screening yet.  Upon asking when she would be done, I was told that her screening appointment is set for October 18.  And she anticipated that we would transfer in December.  Um, what?  Since when?  Two weeks ago she had told me the egg donor's screening would be finished up the last week of September.  But there was no explanation of what happened.  No apology for the delay.  Not even an acknowledgement that this was a change in the original plans.  Just bad news delivered in a two sentence email, which I had to prod out of her.

So I emailed my IF to vent.  The worst part?  He didn't even know!  He had no idea the egg donor still hadn't been in for her screening yet.  I can understand someone not bothering to tell me, I'm not the person paying the bills.  But not even bothering to tell my IPs?  Totally unacceptable.  He then emailed to find out what happened.  Again, no explanation for the delay, no apology, and no acknowledgment that there even WAS a delay.  He tried asking if I could start meds in October as planned with the hope that the egg donor would pass her screening and we wouldn't have to lose a month.  But because they expect her blood work to take 2 weeks to get back (um, mine took 3 days), she would have already had to start meds before they would know if she was cleared.  So no go.

She told us that getting delayed a month "isn't a big deal."  OK, maybe not for her.  I'm sure it makes no difference to her whose embryos are being transferred in any given month.  But now we've been delayed for 3 months.  When I was starting this journey, I was planning to have a baby in late spring/early summer, and then having the rest of the summer to enjoy being with my family.  Now, assuming the egg donor manages to pass her screening and I manage to get pregnant on the first try, I will be due with a baby at the very end of August.  I cannot think of a more miserable time of the year to be hugely pregnant.  Then there's the fact that I will be on a travel restriction for the entire summer...no vacations for us.  It also means that I have to start all over again on trying to find childcare while I'm out of town for an embryo transfer.  Believe me, making arrangements when you have a husband who works nights and will need a nighttime babysitter for 3 straight nights somewhere in a window of 8 days when you have no family nearby is hard enough to do once.  Now I have to start over on this for the third time.

And all of my selfish reason aside, what about my IPs?  Maybe being delayed for a month in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal.  But three months is a quarter of a year.  A quarter of a year longer that they have to wait to hold their baby in their arms.  They've already been trying for almost 9 years for this baby...don't they deserve a break?